Saturday, July 27, 2013

Righteous..... Jealousy?

The title there might be an oxymoron. It is meant to be, duh!. After I graduated bible college last year, I watched several of my best friends achieve success either by a job in their field, a marriage or some other crazy awesome "God thing". I look online and see how much they love their job and place in life and honestly get a little jealous. In a good way though, I am happy for them and love them all dearly. I get a case of what I call "righteous jealousy". Yes, jealousy is a sin but I think it's really bad when you take it way too far; like Cain did. Wishing you had success is not bad, it should strive you to get out there! But when I look at my life; I don't see a lot of joy. I see a menial 9-5 job. It's hard to find beauty in the mundane, but once in a while a crack of light breaks through. It's not that I don't see God working in my life, there are areas I'd rather see it happen. Sure I've lost almost 20 pounds since Christmas and  my relationship with my brother has been great. But I've always wanted a little more, I really do not deserve it but it would be nice!

During my final year at EBC, I prayed really hard about a job, preferably in youth ministry but anything that paid my bills. And preferably in Kitchener. I grew to love that city but was also half willing to take my job elsewhere. After two pastoral job interviews both saying no (both in different cities) I began to apply anywhere and everywhere in KW. In a frantic I kept printing resumes and going on bus runs, bike rides and etc to get my name out there. One came very close, but was a no. I did get a call to move to Sauble Beach and work at my brother's grocery store, it's not glamorous but the pro's outweigh the cons. Heck, he found a fully furnished apartment near the store for me. A God thing? Yeah!
In the end, I am grateful I ended up where I did. God places us wherever there's kingdom work to be done. I just don't see a career out of stocking shelves. However ministry calling is not necessarily about paid vocation, it is about the shepherds tending to the flock. In God's timing, His will is done. "Time to play the waiting game........ ooooh waiting game sucks. Let's play hungry hungry hippos"- Homer Simpson.

I am also reminded of some Scripture verses about God's direction:

Psalm 37:23- The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord.
Proverbs 2:6-9- For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice, and He preserves the way of His godly ones. Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course.
Luke 11:9-10- "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.