Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A Soul that yearns for love

What is love? I bet that the next line you thought of was "baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more". right? yeah.. nothing like really bad 90's techno to make ya laugh eh?

I've been reading a book lately called Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus. Basically it's a journal-style book broken down into 3 categories: love, destiny and meaning. The section on love was so amazing. We often hear that God is love (1 John 4:7). To my facebook friends you have seen many quotes about it lately. I will leave you with a few in a bit, but moving on:

What IS love anyways? emotional attachment? a deep respect? romance? Erotica? It can be any of said things. In a nutshell, all of us want to belong somehow, we all want to belong to a community because even the lone wolves seemingly run in packs. Contact with the real world-it's not optional; it's essential. We are created for relationship. We are born for community. For us to be healthy, we must be a part of others. Independence is one thing; isolation is another. The more we live disconnected lives, the more indifferent we become to the well-being of others- Erwin MC

We often ask ourselves the question-does anyone really care? Like REALLY care? Most come to the conclusion of No. Such a tragic place to live in. I've been there, it hurts like none other. A feeling of seclusion, loneliness  depression and hurt. Some believe that feeling never ends. So you join the disconnect, and seek to end the darkness by any means necessary. This also means suicide: a dark place to be, and not the resort that should be taken. I admit I thought of it not long before I made the choice to follow Jesus, but I turned it down for various reasons. 1) I knew it would wreck my family. 2) I knew that there were people who cared, I just didn't see it. 3) The Holy Spirit.

Back on love: I long for romance. I can be a little cheesy at times and don't care much for chick flicks (because of their phony predictable outcome)  but I like a story of a redeeming love because it reminds me of the boundless love Christ has for the world. I long for a girl to love me that unconditionally (forgive me if this goes far, but I digress). The loneliness about not belonging to someone cuts very deep, especially since two of my ex's left me for another with no legitimate explanation.

When I see many of my friends enter new relationships, propose, marry and have kids and I admit I am slightly envious of them but very exited for them as well. Is it so wrong I want that? That I seek the attention of my possible future wife? And soon? Maybe before years end (not engaged but dating of course).. or what ever God's timeline is. Such things have shattered my manhood, making me rather timid and weak, also shattering my world view on God's precious women.. I wrestled with trust issues with them for a while afterwards. I'm mostly over it.  I'm seeking God but honestly have my doubts. I've failed God when it comes to love with something that is opposite to it. Not hate, but lust. The human heart is not meant to be a container for both hate and lust. Love embraces and leaves no room for violence. 

To close this off, I leave you with a few more passages from Soul Cravings

All of us know how cold it is outside. It is almost unbearable out there. Especially when we're alone, isolated, lonely. You were never meant to be........alone

Love is not a four-letter word
All you need is love
God IS love.

I seek after His love, and long for hers. Wherever she chase is making me weak. Give me relentlessness Lord!! I wait on you!