Another summer has come and gone; and I begin my final year at EBC next week. The summer went by a little too fast for my liking and a lot of things passed me by. I think I have slightly backslidden in my walk, but does everybody read the Bible and pray every day? I sure don't, I used to have a routine but is quickly replaced by the snooze button after a night of gaming and summer distance ed. I still struggle with a few things and am a little less patient, cuss a bit more and have a hard time dealing with... (well I'll explain later). BUT: aside from my struggle, inner pain and lack of spiritual discipline I feel both close and distant with God. I feel his love and receive His blessings through my friends and the encouragement they give. I worked with my home church (Benton St Baptist) doing a day camp with Big Brothers/Sisters and a temporary janitor. In between my positions, I had a week off so I decided to hop on a bus and visit my brother. Most of my time was either spent watching satellite tv or hitting the beach (in my lack of beach body). While there I witnessed the police pulling a body from the lake, a paramedic was performing chest compressions on him. I could tell he passed on, which he did. I did not take it in, but prayed for the poor soul's family. Not long after, I went hiking at Cypress Lake (not a good idea wearing 6 dollar knock off crocs) and I took in God's creation!! I praise Him for the majesty he showed me, and teaching me the frailty of life as I almost fell to a rocky death at least 12 times. Slippery stuff there! What a rush!
Upon my return I found out some news I was not too pleased with. A previous female companion became engaged.... to the one I was left for. Ouch!! I thought "Hey God.... um... what?" (I hear: settle down James, just wait) *feet tapping....... well??!! (In time) *okay.. So, I did not react as well as I thought. This was a rather short relationship that ended abruptly and out of nowhere only to have my heart yanked out. She ruined females for me, for a while. It's hard for me to trust them. Stress levels became higher, I was a little more anxious but STILL praised God and worshipped him in church. Head and heart need to align. I question Him, while wondering if it is okay to. YES!! it is normal to question God, look at tragedies, are they a God thing? Look at the recent tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes. We wonder if God is there, we doubt. Sometimes we doubt because God doesn't fill the agenda we come to Him with and wonder. Wrestle God, question God but do NOT deny Him!! I am reminded of grace and forgiveness, even when my face is in the mud and when I am flat our denying Christ by sinning KNOWING what I am doing. That THAT is true love and grace. May Christ guide me to a safe place, safe from the evil one.
Can you tell I've been in Ecclesiastes?
So, my final year begins in a week! WOW! Where did the time go? And what the heck am I doing next year? Will I get a job?a car? a girl? Well God's got the remote so the sitcom that is my life is on a cliffhanger right now. Get out the TiVo it might be an interesting one!
The tea is empty, so is my brain. Shalom and good night!
faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see Hebrews 11:1