Friday, March 18, 2011
The MAN couch
You all know what it is.
Your girlfriend or what-have-you has dragged you along for yet another 17 hours of clothing shopping at the over-air-conditioned super-mall. Your choice female companion, giddy as a raw-sugar-spiked 5-year-old on Christmas eve, carries another load of outrageously expensive outfits out of the racks and heads toward the changing booths.
"These are so adorable! I want them so badly! I'll only be a minute! Isn't this fun?!!"
Your knees are giving out. Your eyeballs are about to explode. You feel like punching something or dying in a hole.
It's soft, plush, maybe leather, maybe it even reclines. Sometimes, there's a table. And it's located conveniently RIGHT OUTSIDE THE CHANGING BOOTHS. RIGHT where you need it.
A chorus of angels sing out a heavenly chord at this discovery.
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh Solace! A haven in the giant untamed smorgasborg of shopping!
At times, you are even joined by other equally burnt-out men. Bleary-eyed, texting, napping, or completely zoned out, mouth agape, their arms attempting to not associate with the numerous outrageously stuffed bags from other posh clothing chains that they must carry for their choice female companion(s).
Together, you may exchange glances acknowledgment; that you both share in the suffering of yet another relentless day of shopping, your eyes each forewarning others of the toil of seven-sweater fashion shows and line-ups for hemming; both understanding the sacrifice you must make to keep your woman (and/or her friends) happy.
And it is at moments like these that you gain the strength, and hope, to carry on and see the light of day outside the mall again.
EDIT: Ladies, these couches are good for you, too. You see, it keeps your choice man right where you left them! No longer are you subjected to the immense frustration of man-hunting them out of the magazine aisle, CD store, electronics wicket or fries line in the food court. BONUS you have a guarantee that your purse is safe and you have a second opinion from a qualified expert should you need it.