Sunday, May 30, 2010

Venting

It's been a while. A hard month, but God is growing in me. Speaking some awesome things to my heart and using some amazing friends to pull my face out of the dirt. I have needed a place to vent, via journal or texting and even sharing some laughs with friends. It all helps. So does my devotionals. Finally I get back into a good devo routine.

This week was an emotional struggle for many reasons, and I found this poem in my journal from the 27th.

Jesus Christ: collector of my tears, eraser of my fears
In the light, you are there. In the dark you are there.
In sin, sadness, gladness and sadness. Even when life seems unfair.
Take me as I am, to a place where I cannot be damned.
Heavyhearted, I seek your face. To drop my burdens at the cross.
To that on high place.

I am praising and trusting God no matter what. Sometimes we gotta walk the dark valleys to reach the light. I'm chasing it Lord! and I know you are there. My heart will sing how great you are!!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Untitled Blog

To forewarn the reader: this is an area I have talked little about, it might be delicate or hard to read. I would appreciate prayer about this.







Depression: The word alone kinda puts my head down. For several years I've wondered what is was and if I actually have it. The dictionary meaning of it is: a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

Late into my teens (actually between 18-20). I experienced what I thought was a form of depression. I have told many people of my former alcohol problem leading to my "dark period". At this time I strongly contemplated suicide and even had a note memorized. The only thing I needed was something to end it with. I felt worthless and helpless. Around this time I was meeting with a friend who was disciplng me. After giving my life to Christ, I thought my bought with depression was over. Some nights of sad came back several times. Including as recent as tonight, as I blog I am not feeling the greatest. I know people who have real diagnosed depression and is likely different than me. It's tough, but I know that God will get me past them. As I speak, I am praying and getting some text support too.

God is at the forefront of the healing process, even if I feel He's not there. He is the reason I live. Through depressive episodes I am reminded of a few things: that I must find joy in suffering. I admit I cannot do it sometimes, but thinking of it helps. Second: Pray without ceasing. It sounds cliche' to some, but constant communion with My Lord helps any bad day. No matter what.

If you feel depressed, seek God's face. Seek His word, pray. It does help. Keep God first.